Grief, sorrow and hardships are an inevitable part of our human experience and the great cycle of all life. Whether it is the loss a loved one, a relationship or a way of life, the emotions that accompany loss can have a profound impact on us. However, you can use these feelings as fuel for transformation. Move through, process and use them as a catalyst for change. Remember that death is an essential part of the cycle and that birth and rebirth will surely follow. Your life will never be the same, but you can pave the way for something beautiful to come. Move at your own pace, be kind to yourself and take your time. Remind yourself that by working through and releasing, you create space for the new.
Fortunately, there are practices that can support and facilitate the healing and clearing. Botanical based medicines and ancient practices have impressive abilities that help restore balance to both the emotional and physical body. Our ancestors did this by practicing herbalism, yoga, acupuncture, earth connection and meditation to heal during difficult times. By implementing them into your daily routine, you connect with the healing power of the earth and yourself.
Nature
Nature is always my first choice for feeling better and finding inspiration. Go on a hike. Walk on the beach. Sit by a river or hang out at a park. Just get some fresh air! High five a tree branch and hug a tree trunk. Take off your shoes and stand on the earth. This is where true healing and understanding originate. Observe how nature works, taking in all that is alive and all that has died. Notice that the beach has millions of shells on the shores. These shells are the exoskeletons of sea creatures who have died, yet their shells symbolize birth and resurrection. In the forest, you will find small saplings and huge trees next to dead ones, all working symbiotically to maintain a strong and healthy ecosystem. Below the surface, the trees have created a complex communication system using there roots and surrounding mycelium that create a mychorizzal network. They appear individual, but are really one, just like us. We all have a time, a season and a reason. Appreciate and marvel at the wonders of the earth. This cultivates an appreciation and understanding for the natural cycles of life and death.
Herbs
Plants, trees and fungi are powerful healing gifts of the earth. They have a fascinating and rich history throughout all cultures on our planet. They are time honored remedies for the painful parts of life.
Hawthorn (crataegus spp.) is one of the best plant medicines for the protection and care of the heart. Not only does it strengthen and heal the heart physically, but also emotionally. It helps to build courage and strength to face the many challenges associated with death, grief and loss. It lifts the spirits and heals the heart on every level, a true ally.
Rose (rosa spp.) comforts, supports and soothes a broken heart allowing it to soften and relax. For thousands of years, the rose has been associated with love and affairs of the heart. Even the simple act of having roses in your space creates a positive effect. From tea, tincture, flower essence, hydrosol to essential oil, this beauty is a heart healing superstar.
Linden (tilia spp.) relaxes and tonifies your circulatory system. It is no surprise that their leaves are shaped like hearts as this lively tree is said to gladden the heart. This grief and sorrow soothing tree is one of my favorite refuges during times of duress.
Motherwort (Leonaris cardiaca) has the Latin names for lion and heart in its name. It is comforting, calming and dispels melancholy. It balances the emotional turmoil allowing sorrow to turn to cheer. During states of sadness, motherwort has a very calming effect on the heart and nervous conditions making it another top choice.
California poppy (eschscholzia californica) allows for a restful sleep as it deeply relaxes physical tension and heart centered anxiety. Sleep is an integral part of healing, especially during times of sorrow and distress.
Kava Kava Root (piper methysticum) is a very effective nervine that helps calm your nervous system and helps you relax. It helps find peace and serenity in even the most stressful situations. It is a good alternative to commonly prescribed pharmaceuticals during difficult times.
Skullcap (scutellaria lateriflora)is profoundly soothing to our body, mind and spirit. It is a nourishing and restorative plant for the nervous system. By allowing ourselves to relax, we are able to let go.
Milky Oats (Avena sativa) act as a neuro-restorative and help repair the mylein sheath which lead to a more calm and peaceful existence. They calm the frazzled nature often associated with loss and trauma.
Reishi (Ganoderma lucidum) soothes a troubled mind and heart by transforming feelings of being stuck and stagnate to free and open. An excellent choice for stabilizing shen. Shen resides in the heart and can mean spirit, soul or higher consciousness. A shen tonic can calm and heal emotional states like grief.
These herbs may be taken in tincture, tea, glycerine, capsule or any other way desired. Everyone is a unique individual and has different needs. So, be sure to ask your Herbalist which ones would work best for you.
Flower Essences
Star of Bethlehem helps heal trauma, shock and loss making it a good choice after a sudden death.
Honeysuckle heals the propensity to live in the past, stuck in a nostalgic state of being that prevents living in the present.
Pine releases us from guilt, shame and remorse.
Hawthorne helps open the heart to give and receive love. It encourages and moves feelings so that painful emotions can process making way for more joy and happiness. It helps transform the anguish into hope.
Borage helps to soothe the heavyheartedness that surrounds death. It uplifts and gives us hope in the face of adversity.
Mimosa encourages healthy processing after a significant loss, difficult transitions or heartbreak. It helps you slowly integrate your upset and transform it into joy.
Impatiens helps you have patience with yourself. You will heal at the right time, in your own, right way. Don’t rush it!
Incorporating these flower essences into your life is easy. Take 1-4 drops up to 4 times a day. Add them to your water bottle, bath or facial spray. Follow your inner knowing, your gut, your intuition when it comes to flower essences. They are vibrational medicine. Tuning into that which speaks to you is a wonderful way to make your choice.
Aromatherapy
Essential oils can be very supportive through the grieving process. Our olfactory receptors are powerful circuits linked to our emotional states.
Rose has been used for thousands of years during the grieving process. It helps soothe an aching heart and encourages emotional recovery. Often associated with the heart and love, the rose is the ultimate heart opener and healer. It helps clear feelings of despair and anger making way for acceptance and love.
Lemon Balm is a good choice for calming the nerves after a shock to the system or traumatic experience. It can also help balance and uplift the nervous system providing emotional balance.
Neroli is a wonderful essential oils that soothes extreme emotions, especially anxiety and fear. Feelings of hopelessness and anger dissipate when Neroli is around. It is a good choice for hope and support.
Lemon is an uplifting, sense stimulating, spirit lifter. Reach for it when you want clarity. Lemon is also used for clearing dark thoughts.
Lavender is a terrific oil for quieting the mind, relieving stress and anxiety by calming the nervous system and creating healthy mental balance.
Frankincense helps connect us to our higher self. It is used for insight and spiritual strength which are so important during the grieving process.
Sandalwood helps release negative emotional states, especially that of hopelessness.
Be sure to mix your oils in a carrier oil and NEVER ingest them.
Meditation
Meditation is extremely effective at cultivating mental resilience. When all of the emotions associated with grief and pain arise, this resilience allows us to control our response by acknowledging it and allowing it to happen, like riding a wave. This helps break the cyclical thoughts that keep us in a state of despair. It also helps us live in the present moment rather than in the past where what was still resides. This state of presence, mindfulness and living in the now help us find joy and peace in the present moment.
Acupuncture
I found acupuncture to be the most effective “quick fix” for grief, anxiety and emotional turmoil. I was seeing an acupuncturist in Boone, NC at the time of my mother’s death and he gave me a series of treatments that completely helped my emotional body. I could not believe how effective he was at treating not only this, but several other health issues, too. Acupuncture works!!! Also, applying essential oils, flower essences and burning herbs at acupuncture points can be a nice alternative to needles and in between visits with your acupuncturist.
Yoga & Exercise
Heart openers that can help heal, calm and restore a broken heart. It also helps to try and smile slightly as you practice. Body movement, posture and fake smiling will all send signals to your brain that you have an open heart and are happy. For opening your chest and heart, think expansive and opening. Child’s pose, Cat Cow pose, Sphinx pose, Cobra pose, Bow pose and Camel pose are all good choices. Stretch your heart field! If yoga is not your thing, do what is. Move your body. Do what you love! Dancing, hiking, biking, surfing, tai chi and hula hoop are all really cool and effective ways to take care of your body. Body movement helps prevent stagnation, physically and mentally.
Nutrition
Nutrition plays a key role in the mending of your heart. A healthy body leads to a healthy heart. Choose heart wise foods like fruits and vegetables. Think red! Foods like berries, beets, peppers, plums, blood oranges, tomatoes and watermelon are all good choices. Stay away from too many fatty animal products while you are processing grief. They can create blockages, both physically and energetically. Turn down all processed food, especially dead factory foods made without life force or chi. Eating healthy will help you stay sharp, aware and open to a healing process that is constructive and intentional. Eating healthy is a reminder that we are still here living and we appreciate the life giving forces of good food and clean water.
Breathe
Utilizing the power of breath in nature can be one of the most calming and soothing practices there is. The simplicity is magnificent and so very effective. Try box breathing while leaning against a tree. Inhale for 4 seconds. Hold for 4 seconds. Exhale for 4 seconds. Hold for 4 seconds. I do this in 4 rounds. The results are incredible.
Sleep
Try to get a good night’s sleep, every night. This is common sense, but especially important for those grieving. Sleep provides relief from the pain and sorrow. Adequate sleep resets and recharges our bodies, making us capable of tackling everything life has hand us. Sometimes, those who have passed over visit us in our dreams.
If you are having trouble sleeping, there are plenty of plant allies for you to try. Some of my favorites are passionflower, skullcap, california poppy, pedicularus, blue vervain and motherwort.
Environment
Surround yourself with people, things and places that make you feel good and happy. Choosing loving, caring and supportive relationship are very important. Create a space that supports your grief. Keep a journal to write down your feelings or compose a song for your loved one. Have inspirational books around to help lift you up when you start going under. Pick up practices that help speed up healing and enhance life. You will know them when you find them! They make you smile!
